PAPERBACK BOOKS
THE MAURIE SERVICE JOKE BOOK

  

WARNING—CLEAN JOKES!!!  

Maurie Service has been collecting jokes for more than fifty years but only decided to do a book after a number of friends urged him to do so. 

He’s always enjoyed making people laugh, even as a youngster in the classroom, much to the annoyance of some of the teachers. 

Humour's a funny thing - a joke that appeals to some people, has the opposite effect to others.

Some of these jokes are his own and some have come from hundreds of listeners and people from around Australia. 

All the jokes  in this book have been carefully chosen and can be enjoyed by the whole family. 

In Store Price: $AU23.95 
Online Price:   $AU22.95

ISBN:  978-1-921574-08-5   
Format: Paperback
Number of pages: 184
Genre: Fiction/Wit and Humour
 



Author: Maurie Service
Publisher: Zeus Publications
Date Published: 2009
Language: English

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AUTHOR BIO  

I was born in Melbourne and attended Lloyd-St State School and Melbourne High School obtaining the leaving certificate…..after school I joined the State Savings Bank, and about this time became very interested in music and the entertainment industry. 

I studied piano and singing being successful at several talent quests - later, I enrolled at the Lee Murray School of Broadcasting and learnt voice production - while doing this, I did casual announcing at station 3XY....shortly after this, a vacancy occurred in the Advertising Department at 3DB where I learnt much about the scheduling of commercials and radio in general. 

But keen to become an announcer, I secured a position at 3NE Wangaratta where I stayed for nearly two years - the radio-bug had hit home, and I was offered a better job with 3TR Sale where I met my wife Irene while compering a dance at Tinamba. 

After several years, we returned to Melbourne where I joined station 3KZ and a few years later, rejoined 3TR as assistant-manager - but the desk-job didn’t suit, so I joined the sales staff selling advertising. 

However, on one very cold day I decided to move the family to the Gold Coast, and was fortunate to secure a position with the Coast's first local radio station 4-Double-G......I remained there for almost 24 years before joining 4CRB where I've been for more than 10 years. 

As well as the radio career, I’ve been successfully involved with music as a compere, singer and bass-player...........54 years in radio industry and hope to continue for a few years yet.............Maurie

AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN....A SAMPLE OF THE BOOK.......

 

READY FOR A LAUGH? 

THEN READ ON………  

Little Jimmy shouts to his mother, ‘Mummy, you know the beautiful vase in the lounge room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?’

Mother says, ‘Yes, what about it??’

Jimmy said, ‘Well the last generation just dropped it…..’ 

***

 

Wife says to husband, ‘Darling, I have a surprise for you - we’ll soon have an addition to the family’…..the husband’s over the moon, hugs his wife, and says, ‘This is wonderful news.

Wife says, ‘Don’t get too excited - mother’s coming to live with us…..’   

*** 

A five year-old and his mates are looking through the family’s photo album…..when he gets to his parents wedding photos, says, ‘And this is the day Mummy came to work for us…..’

 

  ***   

A celebrity is someone who spends the first half of their life trying to become famous - and the second half wearing dark glasses so no one will recognise them…..

 

***

A man doesn’t like his wife’s cat, so he decides to get rid of it by driving it 20 blocks from home and dumping it…..When he gets back home, he sees the cat walking up the driveway, so he drives the cat 40 blocks from home and leaves it by the kerb…..Soon after he arrives home ,he sees the cat walking up the driveway - finally, he drives the cat through several suburbs for 20 minutes and again, dumps the cat…..an hour later his wife gets a call from her husband who says, ‘Is the cat there??’ Wife says, ‘Yes, why??’ Hubby says, ‘put him on the phone, I need directions!!’ 

*** 

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you - and can’t stand in the driver ahead of you…..   

 

***  

 

Every night a couple are being kept awake by their neighbours barking dog…..finally the husband’s had enough and gets out of bed and says, ‘That’s it - I’m going to teach our neighbours a lesson.’

A short time later he returns and his wife says, ‘What did you do??’

Hubby says, ‘I put their dog in our yard - let’s see how they like it!!’ 

*** 

What do you call a girl on the horizon??  Dot.

What do you call a man lying in some leaves?? Russell.

What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head?? Warren.

What do you call a woman who has a screwdriver in one hand, a knife in the other, scissors between the toes of one foot, and a corkscrew between the toes of the other foot??

A Swiss Army wife……    

*** 

A 60 year-old millionaire has just married a 20 year-old model - a friend says, ‘you crafty old devil - how did you manage to do that??’ Man says, ‘It was easy - I told her I was 97…..’

 

***

 

What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp??

A pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche. 

*** 

 

I knew a boy who was so poor that all he had to wear were hand-me-downs - only trouble was he had four elder sisters....

 

***

 

A man enters a bar and orders a triple Scotch, a double Brandy and a beer chaser and says to the barman, ‘I shouldn’t be drinking this with what I’ve got.’

Barman says, ‘Really, what have you got??’

Man says, ‘About 50 cents…..’ 

***

 

Elizabeth Taylor once said, ‘I wasn’t always rich - there was a time when I didn’t know where my next husband was coming from!!’

 

*** 

You know the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?

Win the lottery…….

 

*** 

You know I used to sell furniture for a living - mostly my own.

*** 

 

Murphy’s going through customs at Dublin Airport when he’s questioned about a bottle in his luggage. 

He says, ‘That’s a bottle of Holy water from Lourdes.’  

The customs officer takes the top off and says, ‘This smells awfully like Whiskey!!’

Murphy says, ‘isn’t that fantastic - another bloomin’ miracle!!’

 

So, if you really want to laugh....click on the cart below to purchase this book:                 

 

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