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SO! WHO'S IN BED WITH YOUR MAN? 

IN BED
 

For Men and Women

You are probably thinking – Not another relationship book! Heard it all before, have you? Not like this you haven’t… It’s time … Time to uncover the truth as to the whys and hows of all that can go wrong in a relationship and how to prevent this from happening to yours. Relationships are never easy to form but the sad truth is that they are even harder to maintain as most people are under the misconception that once you’ve found ‘The One’  no more effort is required. Not true! You can change your taste in clothes to reflect current fashion trends but you cannot apply the same to your relationship. Some good old-fashioned advice is essential! How much do you love your partner and how great is your desire for your relationship to survive? Do you want to keep the magic alive for always? Then there should be no room for complacency. Do you want your partner addicted to you? What about the dreaded ‘other woman’  – has she entered your life, yet?

This book will uncover all the reasons why men and women complain about each other throughout their relationship, argue, fight and proceed to wonder why the sex has disappeared. If you believe sex is not important – think again! If you do not want this to happen to you, you need to read on…

In Store Price: $AU31.95 
Online Price:   $AU30.95

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ISBN:   978-1-921919-84-8
Format: Paperback
Number of pages: 270
Genre: Non Fiction

Cover: Clive Dalkins

Author: Friday M. Harding
Publisher: Zeus Publications
Date Published: 2013
Language: English

About the Author 

There have been many times throughout my life when I felt certain that I’d travelled a million miles to get to where I am right now, and that I must surely be 100 years old, at the very least. That’s how old I feel, having gone through so much turbulence throughout my life.

From time to time I reflect upon my past and I am convinced that it really was another time, another life. Who was that girl who refused to suffer any longer? Where did she find the strength and courage to wade through an ocean of tears, loneliness, despair and constant disappointments to finally discover the laughter, joy and love that had previously eluded her?

Is it any wonder, then, why I feel well beyond my years yet still find it astounding that I survived whilst managing to remain mentally intact?

Separated by thousands of miles from my family and friends, with no one to turn to, I decided to use this strength and courage to end a particular phase of my life, and the confidence to start a new one with my children. I have never looked back; the decision I made was the right one.

Am I a quitter? Absolutely not! I fought long and hard, I gave my partner every opportunity to redeem himself. I took him back three times, but each time he failed. Raising two very young children without their father was unbelievably difficult. But I had the love and support of my family and for this I am eternally grateful.

Throughout our separation and later, divorce, I continued to encourage my children to love their father and assured them that even though their parents were no longer together both of us would be there for them and love them forever. I urged them never to forget their father, and as a result, they continue to maintain their relationship with their dad to this day.

I was the daughter of post-war immigrants who decided to leave their homeland and venture forth with nothing more than their hopes and dreams of a better life in a new land. Most importantly they brought with them their values and beliefs that, in time, were destined to become the very seeds sown on the other side of the world, on soil that was not tainted by the ravages of war. It would be these values (rendered ‘not negotiable’ by my parents, even though they meant well), that would contribute towards a chain of mistakes (on my part) that would lead me down a very traumatic path in my life many years later.

As a consequence of these ‘values’, my siblings and I were raised within an extremely strict environment. Whilst I can now appreciate my parents’ attempts to protect us through their love, and their desire that no harm befall us, they unwittingly placed me on a path that would one day become the contributing factor which would ultimately guide me into making wrong decisions at the wrong time of my life. Thus began my long tumultuous journey through life.

Someone once said to me that I possessed all the love of a real woman and the patience of a saint. That may be so, but I can’t even begin to describe the pain and agony I had to endure through my 20s, 30s, and 40s, to achieve this patience. As for the love of a real woman – that was not enough to secure my happiness.

The ‘forever’ kind of love is only ‘forever’ when it is reciprocated.

In my case, it was not … 

 

‘A woman can love only one man at a time, it is for her husband just to see that he is that man.’

(A & C Black Publishers, 1910) 

In the Beginning

 

This book is intended for both men and women, and it is based upon actual events and personal experiences. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the people mentioned in the various examples that are included in the coming chapters. Some reference is also made to statistics, along with various profound quotations from a few unbelievably talented authors.

Look upon this book as an ‘intervention’ between you and I, because, guys and ladies, you need to realise in no uncertain terms, all the hurtful things you say and do to each other, and the long-term destructive effects they can have on your relationship. It is simply about treating each other with the love and respect that you deserve. It is not about control or domination towards either gender.

You will note that I may repeat some facts over and over again throughout this book; the reason for this is, though the instances and circumstances may differ, effect and outcome remain the same. Therefore the repetition that occurs throughout this book is quite intentional.

 

Ladies – it is certainly not about reducing your man to a grovelling, sex-starved wretch who must be mindful of his every move whenever he happens to be in your presence for fear of upsetting you and then being deprived of any form of intimacy. Women may have the power to control the sex within their relationship, but this power should never be used as a bargaining tool to punish men. To inflict this upon a partner is not only immature; it is also absolutely shameful.

 

Guys – treat your woman with the love and respect that she deserves. She is not your object to dominate, control or abuse, be it mentally or physically. She is a human being who is also your partner. How happy you want your life to be depends on how well you treat her.

 

Many studies have been conducted on couples, with apparent solutions, and in spite of the fact that the divorce rate in 2008 has dropped, there are still over 47,000 divorces granted in Australia, and 38% of these divorces are filed by wives.

In the US, however, it was estimated that, as of 2008 (by the same source), 40% of all marriages would end in divorce.’  (Samuel Cardwell, 2008) 

 

That was in 2008. In 2009, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the number of divorces rose from 47,000 to 49,448, an increase of 4.7%. This apparently was the first increase in the number of divorces granted since 2001. (This information is freely available on the internet.)

Very clearly, something is not working. No matter how many surveys are conducted, no matter how many experts publish their latest findings, it never seems to get any better. Nothing changes, as the solutions continue to evade us.

Why are marriages failing? Why are couples dissatisfied with their love lives? And, as is the case with most, why is it a given that the mystery and the passion never lasts?

  

Thought: Perhaps it doesn’t last because both of you have mistreated each other over the years, hence indifference, boredom and the familiarity factor kicks in leading women to say ‘No’ to sex, and in doing so, causing men endless frustration and anger.

 If it is this obvious and this simple, why hasn’t anyone else written about it?

I wish I knew the answer to this but I do know what is in my heart, and with everything and all that life has taught me, some of the answers are staring at us in the face. Yet there are so many people who don’t recognise obvious solutions.

There are many questions still waiting to be answered but they need to be answered in a way that makes sense. As with most things in today’s fast-changing world, we will need to go back to basics yet again.

Has it occurred to anyone, when things get way too hard and complicated, to break them down and simplify them? Sometimes the solution to a problem will become evident when one can address the problem honestly, then proceed to simplify and attempt to rectify.

When you truly love someone and care about them and have their best interests at heart, the solutions will become evident, and it is this belief that has spurred me on to put pen to paper.

Indeed, why are couples not happy? Why are there so many failed marriages and why are men looking for love or sex outside the marital home?

If we are to function as happy and healthy human beings, we need to be honest with ourselves and our partners; yet sometimes, we are our own worst enemies.

Re-living the past was not easy or comfortable, but it was a healing process that enabled me to leave the sorrow of the past behind and look ahead with some degree of clarity and excitement of future possibilities.

 

When there is life, there will always be possibility.’

 

At first this book was intended specifically for women, but the feedback and advice I received from Carlo Molino, (author/teacher) whose opinion I value immensely, convinced me that I should also include the ‘do’s and never do’s’ for men as well, hence my original idea was suddenly on a different path. I soon realised that this path was going to be a great deal more rewarding and even more challenging.

There is merit in writing a book that will be read by men and women concurrently as men need to see and understand from a woman’s perspective, and women need to understand how men think and why men act the way they do towards women’s reactions.

Look upon this book as a ‘tough love’ lesson and if I come across just a little overly zealous, I am not attacking either sex and it is always meant with the best of intentions.

You may be at a stage in your life where you are contemplating marriage, are already married or you have just started to date. This book applies to anyone at any stage of a relationship. Most importantly, the messages in this book do not encourage or condone ‘subservience’ towards women; it simply encourages both sexes to treat one another respectfully by being a little more understanding, patient and willing to compromise for the good of both.

So come on, let’s empower ourselves with some good old-fashioned advice and frankness (nothing wrong with that even though at times you will not particularly agree with or like what I have to say), in the hope that the knowledge gained from others who have weathered many a storm may prevent you from wasting a part of your life through mismanagement that could ultimately affect your future.

 

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