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This book is an insight into the author’s spiritual awakening and personal transformation within her marriage. 

It has potential to help other women in similar situations: falling in love with a ‘life’ partner, getting married, then after some years, realising that life has largely become a pursuit for material pleasures at the expense of satisfying deeper needs, and as a result, beginning to seek fulfilment elsewhere....


In Store Price: $19.95 
Online Price:   $18.95



Ebook version - $AUD9.00 upload.


ISBN: 978-1-922229-98-4
Format: Paperback
Number of pages: 123
Genre: Non Fiction

Cover: Clive Dalkins

Image, used under license from Shutterstock.com


Lena Houston
Publisher: Zeus Publications
Date Published:  2018
Language: English


     Read a sample:    



In loving memory of my dad - the “Golden Prince of Love”


Thank you to my dear family and friends for your love and support. 

To my darling “Conor” for living the ‘beautiful ordinary’ with me every day and for helping me see how happy real life can be. 

To my lovely Muth, for your unconditional love and wisdom. 

To the Big Boy, for your nudges of encouragement and Chewbacca noises. 

To my soul sister Shel, my beautiful cousin Radhika, to Georgi, Sue-Anne, Lizel, Natalie & Caroline S for your many hours of patient listening. 

To Caroline A, Lhamo, Bev, Lis & Aunty Sue for your wise counsel. 

To “Nick” and “Ria” for being the most beautiful of mirrors and for helping me see myself more clearly.

“Ria” may you surf the waves of heaven always.


 Read a sample:

Piece of Heaven


‘Under the ground there is the sound of a symphony

The lights are low, the fire is bright…’

Mike Batt, Chris Spedding & Richard Kelly – Wombling Merry Christmas


Did you ever wait your whole life to feel heaven on earth?

A feeling of being home, of being totally perfect, exactly as you are? A feeling of being completely and deeply loved? A feeling you couldn’t even put into words because of its sheer magic, beauty and perfection?

This is exactly what happened to me one night when I least expected it.

It was absolute relief from my usual existence. My heart soared like an eagle. I felt I had just been released from a life sentence in prison and was seeing the world for the first time. For the way it really was, in all its beauty and glory.

I knew it! I thought, over and over again. This is how it really is! I knew it all along!

My companion that night, unaware of the monumental shifts happening within me, lay on his back, eyes closed. I looked down at him and studied his face closely. His golden hair flopped messily over his forehead and grains of sand lay sprinkled over the bridge of his nose, blending with the smattering of freckles there.

We had been friends for years but I had never been this close to him before. In the glow of the sunrise, by the ocean, in the warm summer Gold Coast breeze, he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Finally, I could no longer avoid what I had spent the last several years denying and reasoning away. I loved him.

And it seemed that at long last I had the confirmation I secretly wanted of his feelings for me, of our connection. I felt my whole world shift. The strangest feeling enveloped me, a feeling that my life was never going to be the same again, while simultaneously my mind worked overtime.

This doesn’t make sense!

Shit! What do I do now?

You might think the answer would be obvious but there was one small fact I couldn’t ignore.

I was married. To someone else.

This is where it gets complicated.

It would be easier to tell you I didn’t really love my husband. That I knew all along I shouldn’t be with him and now was the perfect time to end the relationship for good.

That wasn’t true. I married a wonderful man. I fell in love with him after a short time of courtship and quickly decided he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Tall, handsome, funny and intelligent, with a hot body to boot, he ticked all my boxes. When he proposed after a year of dating I got the chance to say my well-rehearsed answer out loud. He became my family, my lover and my best friend, all rolled into one. I had found my ‘One.’ I adored the smell of his skin and the taste of his mouth.

I loved his ideas and his zany (and often slightly edgy) sense of humour. I loved nothing better than being pressed against his chest and feeling his hands softly stroke my hair.

Over the years, however, our connection had waned. Life had become all about where we would go on holiday next, what kind of house we would buy next, and which new toy we would get. These can all be great things, for sure, but at the time they were really just cover-ups for the bored and uncomfortable feelings that would surface whenever I would sit still and be quiet.

I still loved him but after seven years together I had become deeply disappointed with the relationship. It wasn’t meant to be like this, was it? You meet ‘The One,’ get married and live happily ever after, right? In love, forever. Any variation on that theme surely means that something has gone wrong.

Attractions to other men arose frequently and my thoughts often drifted to an old university friend who I was aware had had feelings for me in the past. I wondered if my life would have been better if only I’d made a different choice.

My heart and soul had begun to yearn for something more. I felt I was becoming stale, old, dried-up at the grand old age of twenty-nine. I longed for adventure, something to shake me up, something to make me feel alive again.

As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

The end of 2011 brought an all-time low.

My best friend told me she was pregnant. I was happy for her but terribly disappointed for myself. We had shared so many laughs and good times, the four of us, and I felt some comfort in the thought that we would have our babies together and watch them grow. That didn’t seem to be happening for me. My life wasn’t turning out the way I thought it would.

The day my friend gave birth to my goddaughter, I sat quietly on our outdoor daybed, feeling as though life had taken an unexpected turn. It was a sobering realisation. I didn’t know what to make of it.

I began feeling very strange, particularly while in work. How did I get here? I felt that it wasn’t ‘me’ who was really here, doing this work. As if I was watching myself from elsewhere. I had always felt vaguely unhappy with dentistry but now, before work, I began crying, really sobbing, for no apparent reason. Nothing terrible was happening. At work my patients loved me. I got on well with my colleagues.

I was concerned I might be going crazy.

After over a year of mechanical lovemaking in an attempt to conceive a baby and failing, Conor and I had drifted apart and become immersed in our separate worlds.

At his departure for a kite-surfing trip one weekend, feeling once more neglected by him, something shifted inside me. After years of feeling angry and heartbroken, anxious, abandoned and rejected, I vowed to myself something needed to change. I needed to start enjoying life, and rather than bending to the whims of others, I had to start living life for me, come hell or high water.

I realised for the first time that I had a choice and that, if I really wanted to, no-one could stop me except me.

That night was my work Christmas party. I had been shopping for a new dress that week, but felt uninspired by the clothes I saw in the shops. I could not find anything I liked, or that seemed to suit me.

At thirty-one I began to feel afraid I was growing too old and unattractive for the latest fashions. A small voice inside, one I had not heard before, told me to wear the sheer, sea-green dress I bought at a market a few months before. The voice told me the dress was ‘good enough.’

This was huge. My inner life up to that point had consisted of a whole lot of ‘not good enoughs,’ the sub-categories ‘not beautiful enough’, ‘not sexy enough’, ‘not normal enough’, along with their relatives ‘too weird’, ‘too emotional’ and ‘too quiet’.






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