Brenda tells of a heart-felt emotional roller-coaster ride through the journey of bankruptcy. This non-fiction work begins with her darkest thoughts as she struggles to comprehend the words of her loving husband, Ivan ‘I have lost everything’. Brenda is shocked to the core.

Brenda expresses her overwhelming loss and tells a compelling raw truth of emotions interwoven with family and friends. This story covers how her life changes from denial of the bankruptcy to utter failure, then regret and anger to finally acceptance.

Brenda gains knowledge and strength giving an outline of the rules of bankruptcy and a list of professional contacts. Concluding with sound advice on how to cope with the transition through bankruptcy. Brenda wrote this book to help ordinary people learn to face financial problems and control their destiny.

In Store Price: $AU19.95 
Online Price:   $AU14.95

ISBN: 978-1-921574-54-2
Format: Paperback
Number of pages: 97
Genre: Non Fiction
Cover Design: Jody Pratt

Author's website:


Author: Brenda Gay
Publisher: Zeus Publications
Date Published: 2010
Language: English


About the author 

Brenda Gay was born in 1955 in Melbourne, Australia, where she attended Banyule High School. She trained as an enrolled nurse at Austin Hospital. In 1974 she married and had two boys. After starting a home-based cleaning agency business she then helped the family run a motel and restaurant business. In 1989 the family moved to Queensland. After buying their second home, she started a furniture removal business with her husband. In 2005 when the business failed, she felt compelled to write her first book about her journey through the gamut of emotions when living through bankruptcy.


My Opus 


What would it matter if I drove off the motorway, ending the horror we were facing? Tears stream uncontrollably down my face. Blinded by the sun, I swerve the car over the white line while reaching for my sunglasses and a tissue, my head splitting, screaming for relief.

The black bitumen motorway is its frantic, noisy self. Roaring cars and enormous trucks speed past me making it impossible to consider driving off into a tree – I’d be sure to take another car with me. Crazy how insane thoughts come at a time like this! A gut-wrenching feeling engulfs me every time I drive down here, or so it seems. I speed past exit signs, each exit marking a change in my life. Exit 54, where our house is being built; exit 69, where we were to share new homes and new beginnings with relatives; exit 45, where we live now; exit 85, our home for fifteen years, where we raised our boys and started our business. Finally, my destination for today, exit 79.

     The motorway reflects the tidal wave of my changing emotions: sadness overwhelms me, anger pulses through my head. How did I get to this position at this time in life? Never for a moment did I think our lives would have to start again. I’m too old to start saving for a house deposit or to learn a new trade. Even getting employment seems remote.

    A thunderous noise deafens me. Startled, I turn my head, feeling annoyed at the disruption to my thoughts. A huge, shiny, beautifully polished black ute with chrome muffler and a roll bar roars up alongside me. My heart pounds as I read the print on the side window: MISS YOU CROC HUNTER - CRIKEY.

    Was it just yesterday Steve Irwin had been taken from this world? Ironically by a stingray! Now I was crying for his family – adding to my pain.

Okay now! Snap out of it! Swirling in self pity isn’t my style. Staying focused on the road would be a good idea. Come on Bren, pull yourself together! You’re meeting Lyndal for lunch. My best friend always lifts my spirits and boy do I need that today. I realise the times I talk to myself have enormous therapeutic value. Never underestimate the power of thought.

Just ahead is Robina Shopping Centre. In the distance I can see Mike’s Restaurant, nestled in the beautiful tropical gardens, surrounded by running water that cascades over the honeycomb rocks down to the lake. There are many people around when I park the car. I inhale deeply, determined not to show my pain. As I ascend the escalator I say to myself: Smile Bren, it could be worse. I’m strong, I can do this.

    Lyndal and I have a delicious chicken salad and two glasses of red wine. After lunch we walk around the winding path as we always love to do, shaded by lush palm trees, watching the brown ducklings wading in the water. The breeze blows off the water lightening our spirits, giving us a feeling of harmonious sanctuary before returning to our busy lives. Lyndal hugs me as we say goodbye and I am on my way, back up the motorway. 

Little do I realise the dramatic impact upon me of the sign on the ute, about Steve Irwin’s death. It is to become a ‘defining moment’. It is a catalyst for me. As I pull into the driveway of our rented house I feel an overwhelming need to write my story, even though I have never attempted to write anything before. I know I have to write.

     It is important to remember the good times – like lunches with friends – it helps to get you through the pit of darkness.

     In these pages I don’t always think positively. I slip, I fumble. It’s a constant battle and you have to get back to life. It’s always waiting patiently. Life is in front of you, you have to find your path. 

     My paradox of life: 

¨       Life is like a cup of percolated coffee.

¨       The coffee pot regardless of the molecular composition is a vessel … is your body.

¨       The internal stand with all its mechanical complexities … is your spirit.

¨       The coffee ground … is the earth.

¨       The filtered water … is life giving blood.

¨       The heat source is fire … is your emotions.

¨       Coffee evokes the senses, it requires time, knowledge and a degree of skill and most importantly you must have patience.

¨       Tenderly gather the freshly roasted coffee beans carefully grinding these precise jewels to the desired consistency just as you would nurture nature, the beans are as fragile as earth itself.

¨       Into the percolator you add the aromatic ground coffee ensuring the right ratio of water will complete the mix. As blood courses through your veins so the water pulses through your coffee. Nothing on this earth grows without water, this is a remarkable liquid.

¨       To make the perfect cup of coffee you have to have the courage to regulate your heat source quickly to full steam and know precisely when to adjust to simmer. As in life timing is important; keep in mind the water must always be at the correct temperature – it’s the same in life.  Our sun controls the energy that flows through our universe.

¨       Heat is generated from wood, gas and electricity; all these different sources have the same conclusion. From our different experiences it grows, like strangers coming together into one melting pot all with the same purpose, to breathe life and energize the earth.

¨       Anticipation grows while waiting to smell the coffee beans, first breathe in the scintillating aromas, pleasuring your senses, this liquid gold that is pulsating up … up to the top of the glass dome of the percolator, running over the edges and back down into the coffee grounds, each time its colour a little darker, a little richer, waiting, watching till the right moment, there is an almighty explosion which stimulates the illusion of hot, raging sex.

¨       We journey through life on many different paths but we all abide by the honesty of our souls.

¨       Our spirit is the core of our being, the centre of life’s journey.

¨       For me, I have made many choices during my magical journey. In my future I will pause to listen, learn to smell the coffee, sip this liquid gold lovingly.

¨       During this ride my soul has taken me to an intriguing path which allowed me space so that I could change my emotions.

¨       I am now ready to serve.

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